Feeling Sad

      Today wasn't a bad day for me, really. It was just nothing special. Most of my day are like that nowadays. I feel lost and as if I'm living someone else's life. It's not because of the usual reasons most teenagers are sad: like people teasing and bullying them, thinking they aren't pretty enough, smart enough... Don't get me wrong- I am NOWHERE near pretty or genius or whatever. But the sadness I feel is kind of different. 
            
     I keep quiet a lot in school and mostly it's not because I don't want to talk- it's because I don't have anything to say. Topics my peers and "friends" talk about are so uninteresting to me and boring. And by not talking about them and not giggling like an idiot every five seconds- I appear boring and uninteresting too. I want to be a happy, random, maybe even a little bit weird (in a good way of course haha) kind of person. You know, original. Someone you'll remember when you meet them, not just a face, like any other. But I feel like it's unnecessarily hard to start and maintain a conversation with someone, so I just choose the easier option and not try at all.

        
     There are 2 main groups in my class: 1.)the social butterflies/girls who go get drunk every weekend and then there's 2.)the "nerds" or "squids" as the aforementioned group refers to them. They aren't as social as the first group, but they aren't nerds either. They're actually quite sweet and I know I shouldn't generalize, but so shouldn't they. I tried hanging out with both groups, and I feel SO bored with the "squids", I mean they're nice and everything, but they're just a bit too boring for me. And the first group, well. They are a bit to crazy for me, they constantly talk and talk and talk about stupid shallow things like someone's profile Facebook pic or someones boyfriend (who's different every week btw) and I feel as though I don't have anything to bring to the conversation. If I start talking like them, I'll become like them and that's definitely not something I want to do. So I choose to mingle constantly, not really belonging anywhere, but staying in the middle and minding my own business.
         

           I have a general idea of what kind of person I want to be, but it  feels... a million light years away haha PUNNY. Anyway, I feel left out, and like I'm missing out on the whole high school experience. I 
wish they just changed and I know they won't and I don't what to change and it seems like there's no in between and ahh my mind is mixed up and I'm a teenager so it's okay. I guess. Hopefully, it won't stay like this for long and I'll find some like-minded people who can talk about interesting, normal topics, but still want to party like its 1989. I don't know why that year just popped into my mind haha.